Which Jeff Goldblum Are You?

1. How do you do coffee?

  • I make it at home and put it in a reusable travel mug.
  • I take it black, no frilly stuff.
  • I get it from the corner store. It's terrible, but whatever.
  • Double espresso shot! Gotta have energy!!!
  • Fair trade only. I grind my own beans.
  • With just a splash of whiskey.
  • Coffee? Oh no no. I drink tea.
  • I stop at Starbucks.
  • With lots and lots of sugar. I actually don't even like coffee. Just caffeine.

2. Which of these places would you most like to travel to?

  • Outer Space. I'd love to see the earth from above.
  • My childhood home. I haven't been back in a while.
  • New York City! Center of the universe!
  • Nowhere. Travel is super dangerous.
  • Portland, OR. Or Portland, ME, actually. Any Portland.
  • Pretty much anywhere - as long as there's wifi.
  • The open sea. I own a yacht, so.
  • Costa Rica. Such beautiful nature!
  • Los Angeles. Did you know they don't have winter there?

3. Pick one of these plants.

  • Seaweed. I farm my own sushi.
  • An evergreen tree, out in the forest.
  • A giant fern. Like a really, really big fern.
  • A palm tree! They just seem fun.
  • A birch tree - it goes with my decor.
  • A cactus. They don't need much attention, right?
  • A mighty oak tree, representing the resilience of nature.
  • A maple tree. Classic.
  • A houseplant. I don't go out much.

4. Which of these pets sounds most appealing (regardless of the pet you do or do not have)?

  • I love all pets - well, as long as they're furry and not scaly or feathery.
  • A fish. Doesn't take up much space, doesn't actually know you exist. Perfect.
  • My iPhone is my pet. I have a pet app, so it's almost like the real thing.
  • A ferret. Aren't they weird?
  • A small dog. I just think they're cute.
  • A horse!
  • A lizard. They're the coolest pet.
  • I don't do pets.
  • A big dog that can go on runs and also protect me.

5. Which of these snacks is most appealing to you?

  • Pretzels - so salty.
  • Caviar - so fishy.
  • Ritz Crackers - so basic.
  • A popsicle - so icy.
  • A bagel - so bready.
  • Popcorn - so buttery.
  • Acai berries - so healthy.
  • Peanuts - so not actually a nut.
  • Candy!!!!!!

6. What superpower would you most enjoy?

  • Infinite world knowledge.
  • The power of flight.
  • Can I have ALL the powers?
  • Mind control.
  • Shape-shifting.
  • Being able to talk to animals.
  • Clairvoyance.
  • Super duper strength.
  • Time travel.

7. Pick the shoes that fit you best. (And then, if the shoe fits, wear it.)

  • Toms.
  • Leather sandals. But vegan leather. Pleather.
  • Wellington boots.
  • Pristine white sneakers. Like a 90s K-Swiss situation.
  • Doc Martens.
  • Plain black ones.
  • Moon boots!
  • Converse All-Stars
  • Old-school Nikes.

8. How do you handle your enemies?

  • I try to work out a compromise.
  • I punch them right in the face.
  • I have them arrested.
  • I give in to whatever they're demanding.
  • Enemies? I don't have any of those.
  • I befriend them. I'm very likeable.
  • I charm them until they fold.
  • I hide from them.
  • I sue the pants off them so they leave me alone.

9. Which Oscar-nominated actress is your celeb crush?

  • Sandra Bullock.
  • Jennifer Lawrence.
  • Julia Roberts.
  • Lupita Nyong'o.
  • Cate Blanchett.
  • Judi Dench.
  • Meryl Streep.
  • Amy Adams.
  • Sally Hawkins.

10. Pick your favorite band of the following:

  • This Peruvian combo I discovered recently.
  • Iron and Wine.
  • The Ramones.
  • The Beach Boys.
  • Smokey Robinson.
  • Pink Martini.
  • Nine Inch Nails.
  • The Pixies.
  • David Bowie.

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