1. American Brussels Sprouts
To make: roast Brussels sprouts. Top with American cheese. Put in science oven for 2 minutes. Enjoy.
To make: put corned beef and cabbage in phyllo shells. Bake.
3. Dallas Buyers' Club Sandwich
To make: assemble club sandwich. Distribute to other people who need club sandwiches.
4. The Wolf of Walnut Street
To make: glaze walnuts with powdered sugar and cocaine.
To make: put cashews in a bowl. Each time you eat one, say "all right, all right, all riiiiiight."
To make: make bouillabaisse. Then, stop aging.
To make: make crab dip. Serve with a perm.
To make: make calamari. Serve while reminding people that June Squibb is the old lady from
9. Cate Blanched Asparagus
To make: blanch asparagus, then assemble around a Barbie doll as demonstrated above to serve.
10. Jonah Hillshire Farms Li'l Smokies Pigs in a Blanket
To make: wrap Li'l Smokies in crescent rolls. They're surprisingly good, just like Jonah Hill!
To make: bake kale in the oven and put salt on them. To serve, craft them into a terrible combover.
To make: serve coleslaw that everyone raves about incessantly. Then wait for the inevitable backlash.
To make: make gravy. Serve with an astronaut floating in it.
To make: combine any juice with any booze, and call it Juice Dern.
To make: make a granita with any fruit you like. Dress it incredibly stylishly. Serve.
To make: make a baked Alaska, but serve in black and white.
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