16 Puntastic Oscar Party Recipes Inspired by the Nominees.


by Anna Marquardt
It's almost here! Sunday is the Oscar ceremony and we're putting together our recipes. We used the nominees as inspiration, and we think our menu is great. We're going to have an Ellen deGenerous helping of each of these.
1. American Brussels Sprouts
To make: roast Brussels sprouts. Top with American cheese. Put in science oven for 2 minutes. Enjoy.
2. Phyllo-mena
To make: put corned beef and cabbage in phyllo shells. Bake.
3. Dallas Buyers' Club Sandwich
To make: assemble club sandwich. Distribute to other people who need club sandwiches.
4. The Wolf of Walnut Street
To make: glaze walnuts with powdered sugar and cocaine.
5. Cashews McConaughey
To make: put cashews in a bowl. Each time you eat one, say "all right, all right, all riiiiiight."
6. Sandra Bouillabaisse
To make: make bouillabaisse. Then, stop aging.
7. Crabdip Cooper
To make: make crab dip. Serve with a perm.
8. June Squid
To make: make calamari. Serve while reminding people that June Squibb is the old lady from Nebraska.
9. Cate Blanched Asparagus
To make: blanch asparagus, then assemble around a Barbie doll as demonstrated above to serve.
10. Jonah Hillshire Farms Li'l Smokies Pigs in a Blanket
To make: wrap Li'l Smokies in crescent rolls. They're surprisingly good, just like Jonah Hill!
11. Christian Kale Chips
To make: bake kale in the oven and put salt on them. To serve, craft them into a terrible combover.
12. J. Slaw
To make: serve coleslaw that everyone raves about incessantly. Then wait for the inevitable backlash.
13. Grav(it)y
To make: make gravy. Serve with an astronaut floating in it.
14. Juice Dern
To make: combine any juice with any booze, and call it Juice Dern.
15. Granita Nyong'o
To make: make a granita with any fruit you like. Dress it incredibly stylishly. Serve.
16. Baked Nebraska
To make: make a baked Alaska, but serve in black and white.

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