15 Reasons Flip-Flops Are Devil Shoes And Should Never Be Worn By Anyone


by Anna Marquardt
Flip flops are FINE if you are going to the beach. You're probably about to get barefoot anyway, and that sand might be hot. But there is NO OTHER CIRCUMSTANCE when these terrible excuses for shoes should be allowed.
1. Flip flops are basically the equivalent of going barefoot.
WOULD YOU JUST WALK AROUND BAREFOOT? There's GLASS and DIRT and PEE everywhere (probably). Also, no arch support!!
2. The ones that do have arch support look like this.
More power to you if you want to wear these, but they look like a shoe version of a potato sack.
3. If you try to make them "fancy," you end up with this.
This looks like a scrunchie I made in 1992.
4. Or this.
Crocheted penguins belong on flip flops as much as flip flops belong on feet, which is: NOT AT ALL.
5. They are 100% useless in the rain.
Your foot is basically swimming in a stew of bacteria right now.
6. Once the storm stops: STILL USELESS.
Congratulations, you have foot herpes.
7. They cannot protect your feet from the elements.
There's a cigarette RIGHT there. WHAT IF IT WAS BURNING.
8. They WILL try to murder you.
This proves it.
9. "But they're good for the shower, right?" WRONG.
Does this foot look protected from strangers' pee? DOES IT???
10. They are impossible to keep clean.
BECAUSE YOUR FOOT IS JUST OUT IN THE OPEN.

11. They WILL make you fall.



Would this have happened sans flip flop? I THINK NOT.

12. They basically make it impossible to stand or walk.



YES, this man is drunk, but STILL. It's a SHOE, not a CAR. You should be able to operate it drunk.

13. They're so inexpensive that people will glue them to the floor to trick you.



Terrible.
14. Unfortunately, though, people can wear whatever they like, wherever they like.
Even if what they like are SORRY EXCUSES FOR SHOES.

15. So I guess we'll just have to...

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